I’m sitting at home bothered by his ability to just let it all go.  Now I know this may seem odd to some, especially coming from me…but we really had something special…different…not sure what it was, but it was definitely something worth exploring.

So I called him…

No answer. Two minutes later I sent him a text.

Me: I can’t believe you could just cut me off like that.
Him: I been at the hospital most of my day…I’m leaving now on my way to the store…I didn’t cut u off.
Me: All day…please don’t insult my intelligence. (Clearly I should have been more clear, b/c I was referring to his not cutting me off, not the hospital)
Him: No not all day. I said most of my day…my laptop was with me…hospitals do have internet ya know…but what good is it for me to say or to explain if ur “intel” has u thinking against what I say?
Me: I don’t doubt u were at the hospital most of the day…u know what, nevermind…clearly you’re still feeling hostile towards me.

At this point I stop. He doesn’t respond…45 minutes later I turn my phone off. There is nothing left to be said and if he doesn’t call or respond I’m going to be devastated so turning the phone off was an opt for the possible disappointment.

I don’t understand what happened. I know I got snippy but come on, was all of that really necessary.

I wake up the next morning at 6am full of disappointment and a few texts from Pre-Med and another from Duval(we’ll get to him later),

Pre-Med: I’m at the grocery store…again the intel thing not good. I didn’t feel like going there with u last night. Then u continued on facebook…everything I ask from u, u didn’t do. I don’t want to go there again tonight. If it happens I will take care of it tomorrow…

I didn’t get these texts b/c I was sleep…otherwise he may have gotten the “fuck you” from me this time…I mean what about my feelings?!? You don’t take my calls b/c you’re mad that I got off the phone to AVOID a petty argument…but you respond to my text message with a vengence and then you don’t contact me all day but your facebooking to your heart’s content about nonsense.

And then I snapped…thanks to my pride that is…and realizing how much I’ve been willing to alter my life for these men who get mad b/c I don’t follow their every order and don’t beat to their drum and can put me down and pick me up when they’re ready I snapped. I sent him a text at 6:25am

Me: I am so tired of men thinking that I have to do what they want me to do when they want me to do it…what about my feelings, what about what I want or need…and then u ignore me and don’t call me. Let me guess, u’ll talk to me when ur ready right. Ur just like him(BD), SELFISH. U may be a nicer version but at ur core ur the same(sidenote: they share the same bday, EXACT same age, which was a concern that i let him know about when i found out to my disbelief)…and I’m good on that shit.

And in 3-2-1…Pride enters stage left.

Me: I’m not gonna sit over here hurt b/c u don’t want to talk to me…forget that. Have a nice life, I’m over it and you…besides having one of you is enough.

I deleted his number and removed him from my facebook…but it still hurt…life goes on though…right?!?

At 1:56pm I get a facebook message from him entitled: This is a freaking essay but I wrote this so you can get a clear understanding…here goes:

It is obvious that you do not have any patience at all. i just got your text and i just woke up from a long night. We will start two nights ago.

The other night while talking to you. you got a little irritated with me for your own reason and you hung up with me. I have notice that in you. You have done that alot with me and we only been speaking no less than 10 days. That night you called out of my name too many times so i decided that that night is not a good night to talk to you because i was very much up set. You actually hurt my feel to small degree. You never used the word “sorry” at all. I asked you, can we finish this the next day. i was gonna talk to you about it. i was going to tell you don’t ever talk to me the way you did. I don’t do the dicks and screw me’s. that is not lady like nor is it a way to talk to someone, well someone like me. Instead of giving me any time, i could have easily ignored you that night but i ended texting you the entire night. so no one ignored you. On facebook you sent me an im and you signed off before i could respond. you immed me for three minutes while i was logged on to class. Your last words were suit yourself. that made feel another type of way. as if i was the dumbest nigga on earth for not talking to you when you tell me to. Again no patience.

The next day my cousin wasn’t doing to well, we had to go to the hospital. pray all day over her and just comfort her until the doctors came and. they are keeping her another three days so far as we no if the treatment don’t work. I had my labtop with me there. you were not on facebook at all. I could have explained why i was non responsive all day. But you dont see that i’m dealing with a family crisis and how that makes me feel. All you see is , he’s ignoring me and he just sitting around doing nothing. I was at that hospital all day making sure shit went right with my cousin. this aint about you and me. I had more important things to deal with. You are making this about you. But at the moment it wasn’t. by the time we actually went to the grocery store imming you walking around with crap in my hand trying to text you. I never ignored not yesterday or the day before…we communicated through phone texts. So to sit here and say i ignored you the only thing i ignored was the phone calls because i was unable to answer them…. but you dont’ see that because you think i am insulting your intelligence. What youre really saying is that you don’t trust me or my words.

To be smart you have very bad judgment in men. You only know what i tell you. I call you and talk to you every day for hours at a time. then when i’m off the phone i facebook you, i text you. We spend all day talking, texting, facebooking. One day goes by because of my family is so emotional about their mom with MS and she may go blind depending on treatment don’t work. Not to mention if the legions get worse with time she could possibility die. The doctor is telling us all this and here you not worried about me, or my situation. You are worried about immature shit like I don’t talk to you all day.

I shared with you my deep feelings about all the of all of it there was no genuine consideration at all. And your calling me selfish when we talk and text all dam day. ( I keep saying that for some reason.) You have no patience to let me deal with more important things at the moment. What happened if we were to get married or if I went to med school and eight or nine hours go by and we done speak….or if a day goes by and we don’t speak because of our careers….what your gonna just end it all because im not baby feeding you…?

You just text me 630 in the morning thinking im going to respond to that crap your sending me. Oh wait this is gonna get better and better

you must know that i dont’ move everytime you tell me to move. I am a grown man. I do things in reason not to stroke or put your nookie in your mouth. Your last words were suit yourself. that made feel another way and my mouth is wide open in shock. I haven’t even met you in person yet. You have been completely overreacting and i see that you dont take any responsibility for your own actions or any accountability for your words. To compare me to other men and to your last few boyfriends is a shame because that tells me you were never really open for change. That explains your short patience in behavior. you wanted me to act a certain way, but i didn’t. so because you didn’t get your way you immediately accuse me like im acting like them.

Maybe your just acting like you. Did you ever think of that? Look at you and the relationships you been in. Have you ever considered that you have some shit with you. You barely know me and your “what northerern boys call set-trippin”.

you understand me so you say but claim im acting as if i am one of you ex’s. You are a tipcal case of not letting go of your past and bringing it to the future. you are so not ready for a relationship and you are so not ready to be with a guy of my state. I am way above and beyond you because i care about what goes on in people lives. you care about wat suits you. (Hence, suit yourself”) I was upset about somethings but im over it because i dont think that you had any good intentions. The funny part is that i never compared you to anyone i have ever dated.

To think i was purchasing a ticket, to think that i was going to surprise you next week, to think that i was beginning to like you, i just want to wait and see how thing played out. And it did, you give someone enough rope they will hang themselves or they will pull the person closer to them that gave them the rope. You just hung yourself by telling me its over when shit never really started…….

I will say this because i spent to much time helping you in this letter. I honestly dont think your happy at all…. i think it’s all a front. (think about that)…. If i were like any of your boyfriends, any of them or HIM who ever he is…. they must really had to be special to put up with someone who cannot control their emotions.. you dont always have to be in the spotlight sweatheart cause when you do that you expose yourself.

I wasn’t going anywhere. Read your texts from me. i was dealing with family crisis. im sorry if you feel i did anything too you. i seriously apologize, but you never gave me time to really talk to you. i wake up and your just done….. I could go on and continue this conversation but there is no need… i think i loved you enough writing all this….. trying to explain…. but it does me no justice.

i hope that what ever you desire to accomplish in life you wait for it… that way you value it when it comes, don’t do what you did with me… let me go because i wasn’t valued.

you have my number, im still your friend even if your not mines. call me if you ever need me. take care of yourself.

 ————

Clearly he needs to start proofreading…but that’s not my burden to bare…and after taking the day to think about it all, of course I have a response.