Where We Left Off…

Ok, so let’s play catch up…

On May 21st my precious daughter Lexi graduated from Kindergarten…it was great, a shining moment for her father(BD) and I…until night fell.  Sometime between her walking across the stage while he gave me a loving glance and us getting in from dinner we had become enemies.  Several minutes after tucking her in he left with me upset and determined, I followed him outside to continue saying what was on my chest, which was something along the lines of “you ain’t shit, you poor excuse for a man…”…uh yeah, I gotta do better.

This was followed by me standing in front of his car for nearly an hour while it rained, him threatening to run me over and me standing there with a stoic look on my face…crazy I know.  I swear I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried.  At this point he put the car in drive and began to inch slowly up on me, me backing up each time before I knew that I had to stand my ground(CRAZY!!!)…so I closed my eyes and stood there and he inched further knocking me back to the ground…don’t worry it was a light nudge…but it caught us both off guard.

He parked as I got up…I walked towards the car window and as he coyly and with insincerity apologized.  I looked at him with disgust wanting to knock the shit out of him, but instead I walked towards the house as he kept apologizing.  I paid it no mind and shut the door behind me.

The next day I knew I had to let go of 7 years worth of built up anger and frustration or it was going to eat me alive.  I prayed and cried all day…that was also the day I deleted my blog.  It was time for me to let all of that hurt go…in an essence deleting the blog was like deleting the history, the events that took place and the pain that it caused me. 

I was finding my peace and it felt good.  I called him, but he didn’t answer…so I left him a message apologizing for my behavior and let him know that things were too toxic between us and we needed a break.  He didn’t call back.

The next day, 5/23 which was a Saturday I had a date with Coach…we went to lunch and then a movie…it was really nice.  I’ve known Coach since we were kids, we grew up together and since this date came on the heels of a fresh start, being with him felt really good.  Later that night we met up at the Ale House with his friends and mine and watched the game…I was happy for a change.  We said our good nights and I went to sleep.

On Sunday 5/24 at 3:47 am I got a call from BD.  His words:

BD: Hey, I need to talk to you.

Me: …what’s wrong, is everything ok?

BD: No, it’s not.  It’s like I have everything that I’ve wanted.  My life is finally on track, my money is good, my daughter is good…but I feel empty…there’s something missing…I’m not happy.  I’m on my way to Jax, see you in a bit.

Of course I’m caught totally off guard…Coach wanted to stay the night but I didn’t answer when he called, I didn’t want to jump into anything else…I wonder how differently things would have turned out if he was there and I let BD’s call go to voicemail.

Nonetheless he wasn’t and BD was on his way.

I called CeCe…I knew in my heart of hearts what this man was about to do and I needed to talk to someone…she told me to calm down and call her in the morning…she knew too.

Two hours later and he was at my door…I opened it and he came inside.

As I closed the door he spun me around and held me tight…and I do mean tight…and he kept whispering, “you’re the one…all this time, and i’ve known it the whole time…you’re the one.”  Of course I’m thinking something horrible must have happened…I just don’t understand where this is coming from…so I ask him.

Me: what happened?

BD: you happened, the other night happened…I know why you stood in front of the car, I know I should be doing more, I know that you love me more than anyone else could ever love me and I love you so much for that.

And just then, he started crying…he held me tight, looked at me and said:

BD: Tea, be my wife, have my son…I don’t want anyone else but you.

And at 6:19am on a Sunday morning I said yes.  I was engaged…or so I thought, lol.

He INSISTED that I tell everyone, let all the fellas know that I was off the market.  Now BD and I hadn’t even dated for well almost 2 years and even that was shortlived…how the hell did we get engaged on a whim…I knew that the transition was going to be tough but this was BD, the only man that I’ve ever loved with every fiber in my being and I was willing to make it work no matter what it took.

…and I did just that.  I let the world know…mostly via FB, lol…but they knew.  I called Coach, boy was that hard…just the day before we had such a good time together…I could see him falling for me…I knew that things were taking a turn, and then WHAM!!!…BD happened and Coach was a casualty.  He didn’t take it well, but how could he.  Next up came Av, the Fireman, Pep, the Officer and MT.

Talk about a laundry list of cleaning to do…I was spent after it was all over and done with.  Although none of these guys were active players you knew the drill, they would come when I called, so telling them was a must.

The hardest one though had to be Av…BD was still in town, he stayed until later that day…so I did most of these while he was sleeping, but I waited to do Av.  I knew there was going to be a conversation and he deserved my undivided attention.

Most of the guys were shocked, none of them were upset b/c it was BD…most of them having kids felt that if I was going to marry anyone on a whim then it should be him…they actually were…happy???..I guess that’s the best way to describe it.

Av was…well happily indifferent.  He wanted what was best for me…but I think he thought I was going to be around until he got it together.  You see Av was my alternate reality.  There were 2 guys that I could see myself happy with, one was BD and the other was Av.  Although they would be 2 very different lives, I could see myself living them both.  BD and Av have alot in common in that they are both extremely driven and aggressive men…and I loves me an aggressive man…the difference is that Av has a working model of success and happiness whereas BD doesn’t.

This of course makes them very different men when it comes to how they treat and deal with women…Av being the better man, and BD being the more impulsive and determined.  The best way to describe them would be that with BD, even when winning is not possible, losing is not an option…and with Av, if winning is not an option, then losing is avoided at all costs…two very different men with very similar personalities.

It hurt me to let that one go, but I knew that if BD and I had any chance of making it work then I would have to cut all ties with Av, especially with Av.

Anyhow…the story is out…I’m engaged…it took 7 long, hard, painful, joyous, incredible, unbelievable, devastating, most fulfilling years of my life to get to this point.

So how am I now single again…well I’m getting to that.